Staying Present When You Feel Deeply Uncomfortable

“What if I speak up and get it totally wrong?” 

 This morning, I coached our introverted daughter, entering her second year of high school, as she faced new subjects and heightened expectations to be more visible and forthcoming in class. This is what I told her:

“You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to disappear. You don’t have to pretend to be perfect. You just need to stay present.” 

 
We talked about what that could actually look like: noticing nerves without obeying them, asking a question when something isn’t clear, sharing an idea even if it’s not fully formed, and staying engaged instead of shrinking away. 

Discomfort doesn’t disappear.
Confidence depends on what you do while it’s there. 

1) WHEN THE ANSWER ISN'T CLEAR 

Old way: “I should already know this.” 

Staying present: “I don’t have a fully formed view yet, but here’s what I’m noticing.” Ask a clarifying question. Name uncertainty without apology and without shrinking.  

2) WHEN CHALLENGED & FEEL THE URGE TO DEFEND 

Old way: over-explain or justify. 

Staying present: “That’s a fair challenge, let me think it through.” Let silence exist while you gather your thoughts. Presence here is emotional regulation, not performance. 

3) SPEAKING BEFORE YOU FEEL READY  

Old way: “I’ll wait until it’s perfect.” 

Staying present: Offer a hypothesis rather than a conclusion. Share thinking in progress. Allow ideas to be shaped in conversation.  

4) HAVING AUTHORITY WITHOUT CERTAINTY 

Old mindset: equating leadership with decisiveness at all costs. 

Staying present: “There’s more to learn here, and I’ll make a call once we have it.” Set direction while staying open.  

5) BEING VISIBLE WHILE LEARNING  

Old way: “If they see me learn, they’ll see my gaps.” 

Staying present: Ask thoughtful questions. Admit when something is new terrain. Let others contribute without feeling diminished. You stay in relationship with the room instead of retreating.  

6) AFTER A MISTAKE  

Old way: “I’ve been found out.” 

Staying present: Own the misstep cleanly. Correct course without self-punishment. Continue to participate. Don’t let shame take the microphone. 

7) INTERNAL PRESENCE  

Staying present: Notice the anxiety rising without rushing to fix it. Recognise self-doubt without obeying it. Choose values-aligned action while uncomfortable. This is capacity, not bravado. 

Confidence isn’t knowing you’re right. It’s trusting yourself to stay engaged when you’re unsure.

Don’t disappear.
Don’t over-perform.
Don’t hand authority to the feeling.
Stay, breathe and be.  

My daughter may be introverted, but she’s learning that showing up, even when it’s uncomfortable, builds self-trust. Because confidence isn’t the starting point. It’s the outcome of staying present while navigating discomfort. 

A question for you

Where are you giving authority to discomfort, instead of trusting your ability to stay present inside it?

Where could confidence catch up to action if you simply stayed present?


DM me if you're keen to learn more about the work I do to build clarity, confidence, and credibility for executives committed to making a positive impact.